Big Change Coming . . .

I am not even sure how to start this post. I am a bit behind on my blog- so I apologize to anyone who doesn't know our news and is just finding out.

If you have been following my blog, you will know that the last two years have been hell (sorry- I am not sure how else to say it) for us when it came to what Jon had to go through with the residency program here. From the start it was not a good fit- and even resulted in some mental health issues. My pregnancy with Tyler weakened me and neither Jon or I had the strength to really handle what we needed to as a family. I remember talking with a friend who's husband went through residency (he's a podiatrist like my dad) and I couldn't figure out exactly why it was such a trial for us. Now looking back, I have such an understanding of what depression, anxiety, and a bad situation at work can do to a family- - even when you aren't the one experiencing it. I just knew something was wrong but couldn't pinpoint it. Anyway, Jon was required to get some treatment and take a month off (that is when he fixed up the yard last year!) which was wonderful and really helped. From that point on we felt like everything was so much better, and even many of the doctors he worked with thought he was doing much better. The director of the program, on the other hand, from that point on had Jon under a microscope and was really hard on him. For the last year he threatened off and on to "terminate" him - not ever really giving him constructive advice on how to do better. The extra things they required him to do weren't helpful, in fact just made things more stressful and busy for him. Even with that- he did fine on all his rotations except the FMS (hospital service) rotation where they work crazy long shifts (30 hours several times a week, along with normal 12 hour days in between) and were expected to admit and take care of a large number of patients in the hospital. Because they didn't feel like he was doing well enough in this rotation- on May 12th- - he was told they couldn't advance him to third year and officially dismissed him from the Residency Program. The weeks leading up to this were CRAZY. I have never seen Jon so stressed and so many unfair things were happening. He was blamed for things that weren't even his fault and nit-picked over everything he did. The director is the kind of guy who when he gets in his mind something is a certain way- good luck changing that opinion. No matter what Jon could have done, I don't think his opinion would ever have been very good of Jon. Even if Jon wasn't performing to the best of his abilities, the way they treated him was, in my opinion, really unfair. He never did anything that endangered his patients in any way or did anything that I would think would get a resident fired. The director even told him that they weren't there to teach him, that he should have learned everything in Medical School. If this is the case, why do they even have to go through a residency if they already know everything? This, and so many other things made this program not a good fit from the start. He didn't get any OMM (Osteopathic) training, even though this is a dually (DO and MD) program, and even was discouraged from using it. The extreme hospital focus, and focus on WORKING instead of LEARNING, and zero tolerance for minor mistakes wasn't right. After Jon making it this far- and even graduating in the top 10 percent from medical school, I refuse to believe that he isn't good enough to be a Family Doctor. As seen in one of my recent posts about Residency, not all programs are the same and we are finding out that most other programs would be a better fit for Jon.

Through all of this, and even though it is a trial- I have felt an incredible amount of peace. In fact, it is a HUGE relief to have Jon out of a bad situation that was affecting his well-being and his health. The weeks leading up to his dismissal were so bad- we did talk about a change. Because finding a new program or changing tracks is so difficult, he would most likely be set back a year or more, and we would have to move so far away, Jon was going to stick it out. I guess Heavenly Father has another path for us- because now we have no choice but to change!

Over the last month we have been working hard to find Jon another position. It took us a while to figure out how to even find where there are openings for a second year resident. There isn't one centralized place to list openings, and the few websites that do list openings (which might not even show all of them) cost a lot of money to subscribe to. Finally, the way that produced the best results, was finding a directory of AOA (D.O.) accredited Family Practice Programs (the ACOFP website) and making a huge list, state by state. We emailed a cover letter and Curriculum Vitae to almost every program, state by state (except the eastern sea-board) and found some openings (in Oklahoma, Texas, Iowa, Michigan and Pennsylvania). Some of the applications didn't pan out (Jon is at a dis-advantage not getting a good reference from his director here), but he did land an interview in Bettendorf, Iowa. He just had the interview today and we are hoping to hear back in the next day or two! If this doesn't work out, we do have some other applications turned in that will hopefully turn into a good interview. The program in Iowa is much smaller, more laid back, and set up more like what Family Practitioners do when they are out of Residency (they split the call so do one on-call day a week- no crazy "hospital service" rotations). They are also only a D.O. program- and focus a lot on the OMM, clinic, and Osteopathic principles. I hope that if this one doesn't work out, he can find another one like this. It is also nice to know that if he doesn't get into a program this year, after he passes his next step of testing he can "moonlight" and we would be OK income-wise until he can try for another residency program next year.

Again, I feel a lot of peace- what makes me anxious is just not knowing what is going to happen or where we will be this year. I can't bring myself to start packing until we know we ARE moving. After moving back from Des Moines to Washington, I swore we would never move that far again, and that we were in the Northwest to stay. That is one of the reasons Jon only applied to residencies in the Northwest- Yakima being the only D.O accredited program. Apparently - there are places with so many better opportunities! All in all, though, I don't regret being here in Yakima the last two years. If we had gone straight to something half way across the country, I would have wished we stayed closer to home. Now I know we don't have an option- and that having a better work environment for my husband is so much more important than living close to home! All these experiences have been for our good and have given us experience and humility. Not all things in Yakima have been bad- we actually really love living in the East Valley area of Yakima, love the schools, the sunshine, the fruit, the nearby mountains, and so many good friends. We love our very first house and gained so much joy fixing it up and making it ours. The birth of Tyler was also such a wonderful event for our family. Although it was hard to be pregnant and have a new-born with all Jon was going through, I will NEVER regret having him then. He brings such joy to our home.

I also feel that Heavenly Father is watching out for us. I KNOW this. Financially things are working out (at least so far), and I even feel that something will work out for our house, whether we end up selling it or renting it out. I just know we are being watched out for - - and even if things are difficult, we ARE strong enough to make it through. Not that I don't have my moments where I am frustrated that we are even in this situation, and am sooo sad that we have to leave our home, leave Washington and living close to family, and uproot our family, taking the kids away from their friends and me from mine . . . but truly, my overall feeling is one of extreme peace and a knowledge that thing will be OK. I am sooo grateful for the feelings of peace I have been blessed with at this time. I also feel like I have an army of people praying for us and can feel the love of so many family members and friends. Even people who have worked with Jon professionally have shown how highly they think of Jon and want to help him further his career.

Another HUGE blessing is just having him home with us!!! It has been WONDERFUL to have him back, and honestly I haven't seen him this happy (I think relieved is a better way to put it) in a long time. I think he is so ready for a fresh start and I am again seeing that zeal to further his career in medicine (he was so bogged down and burned out before). Although we have been super busy trying to find him a new program, do the last minute projects around the house, and so forth- it has been great to spend time together as a couple and as a family. He even would get the kids ready for school and let me sleep in a little. . . heaven!! I think we all needed to spend some time together.

So- thank you to the many who have shown their love and concern for us over the last few years and recently- your encouragement has been invaluable! Thank you for your continued prayers!! Becoming a physician is a LONG, LONG road of financial, emotional, and physical hardships- but one worth taking if it fulfills a life-long dream. For me as a spouse- I have been right there on that road from the beginning, and although I don't have the medical knowledge, I feel just as accomplished as Jon! My most deepest desire is to be like the kind of wife sucessful men talk about when they say "I couldn't have done it without my wife" . . .