Famine Before the Feast

Well, at least I hope the feast is coming, after years and years of going without and hard work!

Like so many other people in the country, this year we have to tighten an already very tight belt. It is going to be our year of famine before the feast. Not that Jon's paycheck isn't fair for a Family Practice Resident (though it is lower than WA), it is the lingering affects of our big changes this year and a higher cost of living that is wearing on our pocketbook. Everyone here says that the cost of living is lower here than WA, but for us that hasn't been true. Also, this was the first move we had not planned and truly saved for, and being unemployed for half a year takes a toll too. Luckily we made it through that OK, but there are after affects. I was just trying to hold out until we could get our tax return this year- but this is the biggest blow- - we won't be getting one and will have to pay the IRS because I found out we have to pay back the First Time Home buyer's Credit we got a couple of years ago. That money went straight into the yard of our house in Yakima- and come to find out, if it isn't your primary residence anymore (no matter WHY you had to move), we have to pay it back in full.

I had someone recently really get on my case about our poor-man's lifestyle of thrift store shopping for much needed clothes and shoes, owning cars with more than 50,000 miles on them . . . and most of all, me not working outside the home. I was questioned about what would motivate me to put aside my college education and very early career and decide to stay home when I had Marcus. The funny thing is, only a few days earlier I had laid in bed awake, fretting over whether or not I should go get a job. What could I even do that would be worth it after paying for child care? Tyler alone would be very expensive to put in day-care. I do have a college degree and a bit of outdated working experience (even Property Management ended over 5 years ago when we managed apartments). Even though Jon's schedule is definitely better here, it still can be stressful and he HAS to do well here. Would me working put a huge strain on our family, and most specifically him? Deep in my gut, I know that this is true and the going to work is NOT the answer. A non-stressful part time job might work, but to truly make a difference in our finances, I think I would have to do more. Having my lifestyle questioned so right out, made me really realize my true feelings. Money is just money, and relationships in our family are so much more important. We can survive another year, if we are very careful. The well being of my family is so much more important than driving a newer car, buying new clothes instead of second hand, or even paying off some debt. I know that last bit may not seem right, but this is how I feel, and how I feel God is directing me. I recognize that if our situation wasn't going to be changing in the next year or so, I would have to figure something else out to help that debt, but there IS a "feast" of sorts coming, or at least I hope so! I just need to hold it together a little longer. I also can't be too hard on myself, many of the things that have taken a toll on our finances are things we never could have predicted (hence the need to plan for "whatever"), and I can't think of any way we could have done better this last year.

After venting a bit, I do have to say that I am so grateful that things aren't worse- because they most certainly could be. We aren't loosing our house, defaulting on our loans, not able to pay our bills, or going hungry. We have a warm home full of love and wonderful things, even if most are second hand. We truly have everything we need and more!!! I can't be too hard on myself either, because we did come through this year without a major financial crisis. I have such a testimony of having savings (I wish we had been wise and saved more), food storage, and good budgeting skills. Without these things, we would have been SUNK. I have learned some good lessons too. You never know what life will bring you, so be prepared. I know in the depth of my soul that this year will be a good one for our family, even if we do have to tighten our belts beyond what we thought we could. I was reading in the Book of Mormon tonight in Second Nephi about "there must needs be opposition in all things". We can't know the good without the bad. When money isn't so tight and we can move on, that "feast" will taste so much sweeter than if we didn't have to go through the "famine". We will also understand the extreme need to plan and save- so it won't be temping to just spend the excess. I can't say that after all the years of sacrifice for my husband's career, I am not ready for a nicer house, nicer cars, and nicer clothes - - but I can hold out for a while longer.